I've been struggling spiritually for the past few months. Lots of wrestling, lots of mentally-escaping, lots of unhelpful thinking. At one point I decided to consciously not read my Bible for awhile because I felt like my faith has just made my life harder. At times I want to ignore the reality of a sovereign God for a little while because life just feels easier that way.
But in the midst of all my rebellion and empty striving, God has been pursuing me so hard. I am unable to get around the fact that I belong to Him and that Christ has indeed paid for my sin. It's been so humbling to have such weak faith the past few months, but today especially God did something huge (through something very small) to show me that He is bigger than my struggle and He doesn't turn a blind eye like I often do when my children are disobedient. He is drawing me back to Himself.
Today was one of those days during which I was not desiring God. I had a really hard morning and there were about three thousand things I would have rather done than read the Word or pray. But my 2-year-old daughter sat down at the table for her post-nap snack and said, "Mommy, could you please read the Bible to me?"
I was very surprised that she requested this because a) she's two and not very spiritually-minded at this point, and b) I don't usually just sit and read chapters of the Bible to my kids. I have not modeled this before.
But how could I refuse such a request?
I asked her where she wanted me to read and she said "Psalms." So I opened to Psalm 46, a faithful friend of mine and many other believers throughout all of church history, and started reading. She listened and smiled and asked me to continue. I kept going. "Next chapter, please," she said. And this continued until Psalm 51 or so. As I read, my voice broke and my eyes filled with tears as God was comforting me through His Word, compelling me through the puppy dog eyes of my toddler, to seek Him whose face I've been avoiding.
It was made quite clearly to me in that moment that God was sovereign over my daughter's request. That request was unlike her but God knew what I needed, and He used my Piper to direct me to Him. Every single time a baby smiles or a kid does something cute or a teenager puts the dishes away or a husband kisses his wife, it's because our Jesus who "upholds the universe by the word of His power" (Hebrews 1:3) has caused it to be so.
And we know He does not tempt anyone to sin, but isn't God in at least some way sovereign over every time a baby cries or a child throws a tantrum or a teenager lies about his whereabouts or a husband fails to lead his wife? Proverbs 21:1 tells us the king's heart is a stream of water in the hands of God.
Psalm 147:15 says "He sends out his command to the earth; his word runs swiftly." Today the Lord saw my need for Him and he sent help. My sweet 2-year-old, though totally oblivious to being directed by the Lord, asked something of me that I so desperately needed to do, for my own sake far more than hers. And I'm so grateful. Hopefully, when my sweet 2-year-old has a potty accident or throws a tantrum in the middle of the mall, I'll also see this as God pursuing me and I will also feel grateful. He is such a kind God, and even His destruction is overflowing with righteousness (Isaiah 10:22.)
The Lord reigns, let the earth rejoice!
I love God.
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My name is Hope.
I'm 25, married to a former skater dude and raising three little people ages 1-5. I like chartreuse, calligraphy, Coke Icees, childbirth, crocs, Studio C, and...alliteration.
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Articles I've Written on Other Sites:
Youth Ministry's Family Blindspot - Christianity Today